I am a 30-year-old woman born and brought up in a middle-class family in a village in Delhi. Despite living in such a conservative society, my parents allowed me and my sister to study as much as we liked and both of us managed to complete our post graduation. We wanted to work, but then my parents started getting pressurised by societal norms to marry us off. As it is, according to them, we had overgrown the age of marriage and finding a suitable match within our caste was getting difficult.
My parents finally found out about two boys living nearby. They were not very educated, they also had a rural background. But they were working and were settled. Initially, my parents were worried that the boys’ parents would feel that it wouldn’t be right to get their sons married off to girls better qualified than them. But when they didn’t seem to mind our qualifications, my parents also agreed to the alliances. The boy chosen for me was almost 10 years older to me, but they had agreed to my sister marrying the younger brother only if the elder one got married.
Thus, both of us got married to the two brothers. We also felt that since we would be staying together, it would be alright. Their mother and two unmarried sisters were living in the village. Two other sisters were married and settled. Initially, everything went fine. At times, there would be the odd arguments over our qualifications, inefficiencies in managing household chores, etc. But these arguments became quite frequent when I conceived. My in-laws expected my parents to support my delivery, even more so when they found out that I was carrying a girl child.
When my daughter was born, my husband did not pay a single penny towards my medical expenses. My parents had to support me both, financially and emotionally. My husband went to live with his mother in the village around that time. Some tussle had also started between my younger sister and her husband by then, again over small issues. One trait was common to both the brothers: Both of them expected gifts and financial help from my parents on every small occasion.
Both the brothers never let us sisters have any say in the family matters. Whenever we suggested something, they’d taunt us, saying we were showing off our qualification. My younger sister also gave birth to two daughters in a span of three years. After that, the torture became all the more frequent and now, brutal. The brothers would neither allow us to work or give money to run the house or provide for our children. We were very embarrassed to take help from our parents, but then we did not have any option. A boy was finally born to me after six years. I thought that my husband’s behaviour would now change, or at least, soften. But no such thing happened. He started going out to meet his mother too often. I started doubting him and had a feeling that he was going around with someone else, and hence was not interested in me.
Then one day, I found a copy of a ration card in his pocket where he had mentioned he was the head of the family. But there was someone else’s name written as his wife and two other children’s name were also mentioned.
I asked him about this, but he got away by saying that it was a fake and that he had got it made a long time ago – before we got married. I did not know whether to believe him or not anymore.
Both me and my sister’s situation grew from bad to worse when my father retired. Now we could just not expect any financial help from our parents. Our husbands were never there when the children fell ill or when the time
for school admissions came. They were not bothered with even providing us two square meals a day. Both of us sisters now take up some part time work which could be done from home to manage the household.
Our husbands do not come to meet us anymore and it has been more than five months since we saw them. We had no alternative but to seek help from Navjyoti family counselling centre at Karala. The counsellor there called both the brothers for a meeting. My husband did not come, but my sister’s husband did come and in turn, falsely accused us of betraying them. It seems that they are not willing to stay with us anymore. The counsellor is still trying to explore ways of arriving at a mutual reconciliation and we are waiting for that.
Education is of no use if one cannot protect one’s rights
Women need to know the definition of domestic violence to be able to seek legal help (The column recounts the experiences of the women who’ve come to Navjyoti Counselling
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