JOKES....

A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.

The pilot speaks over the intercom ... "I'm sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne".

Baggage is thrown out but still the plane's speed continues to decrease.  Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'".

"Africans? Are there any Africans on board?" There was no answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?"

Again silence.

"C - coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?

Still there is silence.

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother and said, "Mum, ain't we African?  Ain't we black?  Ain't we coloured?"

She replied, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don't work we is Zulus".

***************

Nursing Home sex

Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home.   Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.  One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and  before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Frank turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What?''

"Sex." he replies.

Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," Frank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for awhile."

"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Frank's thingie.

 

Then one night Frank didn't show up at their usual meeting place.  Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.

  

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Frank's little pal!

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!!  What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

Old Frank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"

*****

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It is very easy to defeat someone, but it is very hard to win someone!